There is a list of Seven Deadly sins in the Christian Tradition. I will be starting with one that I know very intimately. This Sin is called Wrath. Most of us in modern times call this Anger. I have struggled with this one all of my life. I have fought to find Righteous outlets for my Anger when it enters my life. I know that there are ways to cope. Defusing the Anger before it gets out of hand. I feel that when we are able to focus the Anger in a constructive manner it can be transformed into Justice. Righteous Anger against Evil and wrongdoers is not a sin. So let us begin with me.

     I am a very Passionate person. If I care about you, you will be defended to the best of my ability. I have never considered the possible damage to myself in these situations. I avoid those people that I do not like to the best of my ability. I do not want my annoyance and dislike to turn into something stronger. If avoiding trouble does not fit into the other person’s plans, I resist.

     I have a way to avoid letting Anger escalate. If I become Angry I walk away. I will be back when I calm down. When I can not talk anymore, I need to leave. Since the key to solving a problem is communication, when I can no longer talk, leaving is the only alternative. The worst thing someone can do is try to stop me from leaving. The second worst thing is to not be there when I get back. When I return I am wanting to talk the problem out with them.

     I do not enjoy being put into a situation where I start to feel more bad feelings about someone I dislike. It just fuels my resentment and dislike.

     This walking away method has served me very well. I have never been someone who fought dirty in a relationship or friendship. Dredging up past hurts or old arguments solves nothing. Saying hurtful things just builds the argument. In many ways it deflects the argument away from the true reason for the fight in the first place.

     I have left relationships to keep from feeling more than dislike for someone I have cared about. Work situations often are easier for me. I have marketable skills. Once an employer hires me they generally realize the gem they have in me. I have had many people try to take credit for my getting a job. I appreciate help, but ultimately there are only two responsible for that finish line of a job offer. I have heard many people tell me, “I got you this job, now I own you”. Either God got me the job which has happened several times. Most of the time it was my experience that got me hired.

     People who put in good words for me are my friends or they see some talent that they would like in the position. My loyalty to the person who hires me is ample payment for the kindness. If that person tries to hold that kindness over my head I will not tolerate it. They are often very surprised when I find a better position some time later. It takes time for me to deliberate and decide. Once my mind is made up that it is not a good situation for me I prepare to move on. I open myself to the possibilities. Soon people are courting me, and a new job comes.

     When I was very young I did not have these coping strategies. When I felt trapped I allowed my anger to build. Most of the time I could focus this energy into doing good. I got into many fights in school that had nothing to do with me. They were brought about because there were bullies who thought they could run rough shod over everyone around them. To this day I do not tolerate Bullies.

     So I would defend with force other kids who could not stand up for themselves. Sometimes it was a physical inability on their part. Sometimes it was a size difference. Some times it was just a very peaceful nature in the person who was abused. Size never mattered to me, if the need arose I stepped in. This was how I focused my Anger at an Injustice, when I was a kid.

     Ironically as a young adult I was less able to do this. My Angry feelings about Bullies and Hypocrites found fewer outlets. My self control asserted itself, I no longer hit people. My Anger now found an outlet through verbal assaults.

     Some times verbally berating someone was enough to have the desired effect on the object of my anger. I often shared my observations of why they might feel that it was necessary to pick on someone smaller than themselves. A victim that they knew would not fight back. If this did not deflate them, at least their attention was now turned towards me. It put them on the defensive. It made them look bad in the eyes of their buddies. This hurt them worse than anything I could do.

     Other times using words as my weapon of choice just egged them on. I realized later that my anger was being used to manipulate me. If they pressed this button, this reaction. If that button was pushed, a different reaction. I found my personal frailties being used by people to hurt me.

     My problem has been that I share pretty freely. My Buttons were often revealed early in friendships, often to my dismay. I have never regretted sharing. I just found it appalling that someone I liked would then turn around and use it against me. Often that cut me more deeply than the button being pressed.

     I found myself holding the anger inside. As a kid it was released pretty immediately. There was very little storage of the Anger. I held grudges then. I started to remember disrespectful behavior a long time. I held on to the Anger with an eye to seeing them hurt someday.

     As a young adult there were several times my anger exploded. I was glad that there were friends around me to get me away from the situations very quickly. Bless their hearts, they saved me a great deal of trouble.

     The people I blew up on were well worthy of the beating they would have received from me. It just would not have been worth the consequences to me. I had to be told what happened during these explosions because I do not remember much from them. This was not something I wanted to continue. I could not allow my anger to build to the point of explosion. I had to find a better way to let it out, to release the rage inside of me.

     These blowups needed to be stopped before they ever got to the volcano stage. The storage of the anger was also having an effect on me. I realized that all I was doing was hurting myself. My anger ate at me. I was being consumed with impotent rage. There was no Socially acceptable outlet for my hate anymore. I had turned it inside. I had to find a better way to deal with the World. If I did not my anger and hate would destroy me.

     I learned that Anger is self destructive. I learned it wasted my time. I found positive outlets for my Anger to help fight for those who are defenseless. After many hard lessons I learned how to release my Anger. This is now done in a timely manner. When walking away does not work I turn my Anger into a fight for Justice.

     For those of you that struggle with this, try to learn from my lessons. Do not let Anger eat at you. Focus it outside of yourself for the righteousness of Justice. May you find the satisfaction your striving for Justice brings. May you find the Peace that Anger’s release provides.

God Bless the Whole World no Exceptions.

Angel

     I recently read a story that reminded me of the Commandment to Honor our Parents. I know that not all of us feel kindly towards our Parents. Some people have been rejected by the very people who were supposed to love and care for us. Respect does not mean being slaves to our Parents.

     I have a friend who is berated daily by her Father. She lives with him because he can not care for himself. She works a full time job. She cares for him. She uses her own money to fix his house. She has grown bitter. She has not dated any men she has liked because of the demands her Father has placed on her. He even teases her constantly about how she will die alone.

     I have tried to draw her out of her prison to do some living of her own. Her Father is not bed ridden in need of constant supervision. He does not have dementia that might cause him to wander off. He can not drive because if he did he would kill someone. He needs to be reminded to take his medicine. He spends his pension on gambling. Any shortfalls are covered by her.

     She works night shift, so she needs to sleep during the day. He often waits until she has been asleep just an hour or so to demand she drive him somewhere. She gets up and does his bidding. It has made her a distant bitter woman with no friends except me.

     She is very depressed about her situation. She has often told me she wants to leave, to have a life. Her Brother never helps. She has said that she does not know why she stays since there or away her Father’s inheritance would still be split 50/50 with her Brother. She is an Emotional Slave. Frankly this is no Father.

     This is not the Parent prototype that God was talking about. The respect of a Parent is a reciprocal thing. If the Parent can not put in the effort to be a good Parent there is no Commandment to Respect them.

     This Commandment is meant as a inter-generational call to find the good in the other. To serve each other with Love, Respect, and Compassion. There is a permanent bond that forms when you carry a child. This is often most attributed to Moms, but the expectation of a new life you had a hand in builds it too. There are many Fathers who go through physical symptoms similar to their pregnant mates.

     They care for us when we are defenseless. If they are lucky they are cared for by us when they reach the stage of old age when they are helpless as new born babes. It is the strengthened bond of Love and Respect we mutually shared that see us through in these trying times. If you have sewn disrespect and hate with your Parent or Child, you will reap in like fashion.

     I do not think that personally taking care of a Parent is mandatory. There are many people who are ill suited to the challenges of 24/7 caretaking. It takes a great deal out of you to fill this role. It can mean putting everything in your life on hold. I do think that if you have a true Parent/ Child Bond of Love and Respect you should make sure that they are cared for. Sometimes this means a Nursing Home.

     Visiting your Parents as often as possible can ease the transition from independence to being cared for. The saddest thing I have ever seen was a little old person curled up in a chair watching everyone else get visitors. Out of Compassion you might strike up a conversation with them. They may have no one to befriend them. You might just find a new friend in them. They may not have any family left.

     Verifying conditions are as close to what you would do for your Parents as possible is Mandatory. They are your Parents not warehouse items. Do not allow them to be treated unkindly just because you can not care for them.

     For those of you that feel the need to care for a Parent, care for your self too. Take some time for yourself. It will sustain you in the long run. Do not take on the responsibility out of ‘obligation’. If you do it will turn to resentment. Anything done without Love is tainted.

     I have seen ‘obligation’ turn into Elder Abuse. This is much more common than many might suspect. Caring for an Elderly Parent can be frustrating and draining in the best of times. Without the buffer of Love and Respect it can become a chance to reverse the bad feelings to the original giver. It would have been better to get someone else to care for your Parent than this.

     Here is the story that inspired the Sermon. I cried when I read it.

God Bless the Whole World, no Exceptions.

Angel